Post by Kaia Grainger on Feb 17, 2021 1:02:00 GMT
January 2021
There were plenty of things to be said about the entirety of 2020. While many people had found their lives to be halted in some sort of way, Kaia herself had found her career to be flourishing. Perhaps it was the lack of opportunity to be busying herself with something else or the actual fruits of her labor paying off, she’d gone the extra mile this year to make her presence felt. Of course, there were naysayers that would have disagreed with her success trying to put a name on it or call it something else. She was used to that though. It had been a common theme long before she’d ever taken her spotlight publicly.
Perhaps it was a story that needed to be delved into further, but many people didn’t know a lot about the one called the Lightbringer, there were people who liked to throw a lot of garbage on her name and she rarely, if ever, swung back at them. It wasn’t necessarily because she didn’t care; it was more that she was pertinent in keeping an image about herself. One she’d had to work very hard to earn and maintain to build her livelihood.
A girl from Seaside, Oregon. . . what possible livelihood did she have to maintain?
Well there were a few things truthfully, a house that she’d bought for herself with her work in modeling, a business that she never planned on inheriting but had done so because of her father’s self-induced health problems, and trying to maintain not one but four separate jobs in the massive landscape of the business world. Two of which pertaining to the Sports Entertainment Industry and two that related more to the Fashion World. Add all of that up and the picture looked a little different from the picturesque woman who flaunted sparkling gowns and her Liberty Pro US Championship on a regular basis.
Yet, most of the time she took it in stride. Never letting the pressure boil over or crack when the cards were thrown on the table. She’d never let it break her like it did her mother when she left years ago. Like her father who continually had to calm his woes with alcohol and medication anytime she wasn’t casting an eye in his direction. There was only one reason for that as well. The man she affectionately called Antares. Her Red Scorpion, Shining Knight, whatever you wanted to call him truthfully, it was the man most knew as Asher Miles, but she knew by a different name. She never actually called him that name either though as Antares seemed to fit him best in her eyes. According to her religion that was a mix of medieval astrological imperative and native american spiritual awareness, Antares signifies Strength, Protection, and Guidance. Quite the counter to her own symbology of Alphecca that signified Love, Integrity, Artistic Creativity, Earned Respect or Esteem and a High Social Status all while being a quiet achiever. She didn’t necessarily believe it herself since that would kind of deter away from earning respect, but anyone on the outside would know that she embodied every single one of those elements.
She wasn’t sure what this year would have been without Asher, he’d given her a new found strength of self that she hadn’t really had before. Of course, she’d always had dreams, she’d told herself she’d accomplished anything she’d set her mind to, but those things had been easy. Taking over her father’s gym and helping to book the small time shows for an MMA audience? Piece of cake, she’d been involved there at a very early age and knew the ropes like the back of her hand. Modeling to earn her way through college, that had also been easy, not that she would ever put less weight on that because many people didn’t understand what the industry intelled, but for her she’d always been used to that sort of critique. . . she had thick skin and it didn’t bother her. Then came being a manager for Asher himself when he was trying to work his way into MWE. She’d worked a lot of hours convincing them to give him his chance, though she hardly knew what exactly that would lead to, but if it wasn’t for her the company wouldn’t have had the Match of the Year that they now exalted (not that she would ever discredit Asher and Donovan’s obvious effort in that). Yet, it wasn’t the easy things in life that Asher challenged her to pursue. He knew she’d been training tirelessly for years to finally get inside of the ring herself, and while she’d always been hesitant, having every person she’d ever met in her life telling her she couldn’t do it. He’d been the first one to say that she could . . . and all these months later she was still holding on to the fruits of her labor.
To put it plainly, having someone to believe in you was certainly a help and he had given her that belief when no one else did. He’d gone from just being her business acquaintance to her boyfriend rather quickly, and then to basically her lifeline. There was hardly a place she went without him, thus when the call came in from a local hospital in Oregon, where her father had been brought in the two of them had made the flight.
She’d had to cancel her trip to Puerto Rico and barely had finished the show with Liberty Pro when they’d gotten there on Christmas. Thankfully, he was out a few days later and Kaia had brought him back to her place where she and Asher stayed when they came back to visit and weren’t staying in Chicago. She’d bought her house outright and truthfully loved the two-story seaside cottage. When she was here she was in her happy place, but with her father there as well, things weren’t exactly fitting the theme of ‘happiness house’.
By the time, New Years had rolled around it seemed her father was coming back to his usual self, and Asher had had more than his fair share. Her time had been spent mediating the situation between them trying to maintain peace if you will, but Asher’s Bostonian temper was running at all time high lately as they stood in the kitchen. She was cooking a traditional Native American Soup called the Three Sisters soup and making some quick fry bread to go along with it. The meal was traditional to part of her heritage but it was also a vegan alternative that met her dietary values as well. Stirring it diligently she let a sigh escape her.
Kaia Grainger: “Look I know he’s not the easiest person to get along with, but he’s my father.”
She said now pointing out the obvious. While she inherited genetics from both of her parents, her father was just as easily to rise in temperament as Asher was. Somehow she’d ended up with more of her mothers genetics and looks than his as most would’ve denied the Irishman were her father at all if it weren’t for his dark hair, Everything else from her complexion to her eyes, and everything in between matched her mother. Her native american ancestry and quarter japanese crafting the genetic template.
Kaia Grainger: “It won’t be much longer.”
She said now placing a hand on Asher’s looking in his eyes. There was something magical about the way he could peer through you, even with ice in his veins his eyes would give off pure ethereal bliss.
Asher continued to watch Kaia with those eyes of his as he tried his best to read her. Despite the barriers that he had broken between them as their relationship had grown, there were still some that Kaia held up, including this one with her father. Asher soon took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, doing his best not to let his fiery emotions get the best of him.
Asher Miles: “You say it won’t be much longer but that’s a lie, Kaia. Because whether we leave here or not, the way he treats you? The way he talks down to you? That shit ain’t ever going to end and leaving here won’t make that go away.”
He grabbed her hand that she had on him and he held onto it tightly, his eyes still not leaving hers.
Asher Miles: “You can’t just run away and push shit like this to the side. You deserve better, you know that right? You deserve the fuckin’ moon and the stars and you want to know why? Because you’ve earned it. Nobody grinds like you do. His life? Hell, MY LIFE!? None of it would be where it is without you. I’m grateful for that shit but your pops? He ain’t and I’m fucking sick of it!”
She could only hold his gaze for so long, knowing he was right. It wasn’t like this was the first time she’d met his adversity and while it had given her a thick skin it sometimes left barriers up even she didn’t realize she was holding. He was her father, there was a loyalty there. A time where she remembered him being good. He stayed and he raised her when her mom decided to dip out, but that didn’t mean she had to take his shit forever.
She found herself making excuses for him, and she knew anything she might have said in defense of his behavior would only be an attempt at that so she studied the dish she was making then, taking a moment before she looked back at him.
Kaia Grainger: “I’m not running away, you know that’s not how I work. Anytime he’s tried to tell me I couldn’t do something, I went and showed him I could. He’s that type you know. . . You have to prove it to him before he’ll believe it and even then.”
She glanced down now, reflecting on some of the times he’d spoken down to her about becoming a model. Whoring herself out is what he’d called it because she’d posed in some rather revealing items like he didn’t parade those same type of women at his venues regularly to entice the MMA fans. Yet, to her it was only a job, her body was the canvas, her assignment to show off the clothes it wasn’t about anyone looking at her, yet she was recalling the same information that Asher was pointing out.
Kaia Grainger: “I know the way you’re wanting to handle it isn’t going to solve anything and its what he wants. It’s a mental conditioning or something, I don’t know.”
She was looking back up now turning her body fully towards him. She really wasn’t sure what to do when it came to the situation, but she didn’t want them fighting. Her life was Asher had shown her that she deserves better, but that didn’t mean she could just clip away at who she was or what her responsibilities were.
Asher scoffed at Kaia’s final statement and he shook his head. He clearly wasn’t happy with the excuses Kaia was making.
Asher Miles: “I love you, Kaia and I hate coming at you like this but you need tough love right now. You need to quit making fuckin’ excuses. I don’t care if he’s your dad and I don’t care if he’s been here at times, he still doesn’t have a right knocking you down verbally all the time.”
Asher grabbed both of her hands this time and squeezed them tightly as he stepped closer to Kaia.
Asher Miles: “I don’t give a fuck about mental conditioning or whatever else his bullshit is. And you even just said earlier that even when you do something right, it still ain’t good enough.”
Asher paused and looked away as he gritted his teeth. Seeing anyone mess with Kaia like this makes him irrationally angry because he was so protective over her. After a few moments, he looked back up at Kaia before he placed his hands on her cheeks. Leaning closer, his gaze firmly placed on hers, he did his best to speak in a lower, calmer tone.
Asher Miles: “You don’t have to put up with that. And even if you weren’t doing the amazing shit you’ve been doing lately, even if you were failing at all of it…You wouldn’t deserve it. You wanna know why? Because you’re working your ass off. Success or not? You’re doing so much more than anybody I’ve ever known. Where I come from? Everyone wanted to take a shortcut for that easy pay day and it didn’t matter who they hurt but you?”
Asher paused again and Kaia could see the emotion in his eyes as he referred to his past as a youngster, growing up in a family of mobsters and criminals. He soon shook his head and continued on.
Asher Miles: “You don’t take shortcuts and you don’t hurt people. You raise people up. You make people better and I mean, fuck… You make me better and most days I feel like I’m a worthless, good for nothin’ monster but it’s you and those caring and loving eyes of yours that make me feel like I’m worth a shit. And that? That’s because you see past the bullshit and you see the good in people. Just like you saw the glimmer of good in me when you took a chance on me.”
Asher exhaled slowly as he finished what he would consider an incoherent rant but he truly hoped that it all made sense. Before Kaia could reply, he leaned in and kissed her softly.
She returned his kiss much like she had when she first met him. It was crazy how easily he could make her do mental backflips, she was lost in it for a moment before she opened her eyes again, she stared at him intently before laughing but it wasn’t the humorous kind it was more the kind you made when you couldn’t really think of anything else to do or say.
Kaia Grainger: “You’re a passionate one, Mister Miles.”
A wink displayed from her eyes before she cut the stove off and placed a lid on the pot letting the soup she’d made simmer down as she got their bowls ready.
Kaia Grainger: “But you know the statement you just made is also the very reason I make excuses for him. The positives you’re talking about that I see in him are what makes me do that. Not just that he’s my dad, but I knew him before he was all of this and I know the reasons why he is like this now.”
She looked at Asher again just as she finished setting the table, she grabbed his hand and held it in hers.
Kaia Grainger: “It’s the same reason I didn’t give up on you, because despite me not necessarily agreeing with everything you did, I knew you had to assume your own path, you had to navigate your own way until the stuff you were dealing with here”
She pointed at his chest rubbing her free hand there softly
Kaia Grainger: “Worked itself out. That’s not something that can have a time limit or can be delayed and while no I don’t appreciate the things he says to me, I’m also not bothered by it, but I know it bothers you.”
She said this with a glint of a smile.
Kaia Grainger: “That’s the part I don’t like. Because I know you don’t know the same man that I do when he’s carrying on the way he is and I know it isn’t an excuse but I can’t give up on him just like I couldn’t give up on you, whether he appreciates it or not. . . my spirit tells me its something I have to do.”
She wanted him to understand deeply, because despite knowing that he understood her religion at least somewhat, he didn’t necessarily get the entirety of it and that was fine. It was a unique and freelance practice, there was no one else in the world with a belief like hers and she was okay with that, because she felt enchanted in a way by a culture long forgotten and one she was a part of wholesomely, collectively they both completed her soul.
Asher let her words sink in over him before closing his eyes and inhaling deeply before exhaling. He opened his eyes back up and gave Kaia a nod.
Asher Miles: “I’ll do my best to understand, especially since you feel so spiritually about it. If you think it’s the right thing and you can handle it, then I’ll try and not let it bother me.”
He wraps his hands on her hips and pulls her into him as he gazes down into her eyes.
Asher Miles: “I’m going to do my best for you. But it’s hard to let that shit go. I just love you so fucking much. More than I’ve loved anything or anyone. I’ve never felt connected to anything until now and seeing you get knocked down verbally…”
He paused and let out a scoff.
Asher Miles: “It’s whatever. I’ll figure my shit out. All that matters is that I’m gonna be here for you like you have been for me.”
She nodded. She understood what he meant deeply. The spiritual connection she felt was something that was hard to explain, but she’d seen it exude from him the moment they’d met. Most people looked at her and decided to write her off as crazy almost instantly, which is why her religion was something she safeguarded carefully. Especially, when trying to keep a relation to the business world.
Kaia Grainger: “That’s all I ask.”
She stated before she went back over to the stove, lifting the pot and placing it on the table where a pot holder sat. She called her father down from upstairs then and he streamed himself in. When he was a few days sober he looked a lot brighter than when he wasn’t. Somehow, despite her trying to keep him away from the booze he always seemed to find his way to it.
There was enough tension as he entered to cut it with a knife but she went to help him to the table before he pushed her hand away and helped himself (if you will) she sat down across from Asher and helped put some of the food in his bowl, before giving him some of the soup she’d made. She ate quietly for a moment or two before suddenly the bowl went flying past her head and into the floor with a thud.
Malcolm Grigoriou: “What is this shite?”
He basically spit the food in her direction, and the turmoil that was to follow was out of her control by that point. She noticed right away that Asher’s eyes were on fire as a wave of flashbacks fell over him. The way his Irish mob boss father treated him and his mother whenever he was drunk or just in a bad mood. The reason his mother still wanted nothing to do with him, is because he just reminds her too much of his father when she looked at him.
Asher’s hand gripped the table as he swallowed hard, trying everything in his power to hold himself back but the memories and the pain was too much. Malcolm reminded him too much of his past, of his father… And the moment Malcolm went to say something else… thud! Asher was out of his chair and he cold-cocked Malcolm with a brutal swing with his right fist. The impact of the punch had sent Malcolm flying back in his chair, hitting the ground and it didn’t take long for Asher to stand on over him and unleash that sharp tongue of his.
Asher Miles: “Fuck you, you piece of shit! You ever pull something like that again, I’ll fucking end you, you old, disrespectful Irish fuck! You hear me!?”
He didn’t hear him though because he was out cold but Asher couldn’t tell as he was seeing red. It was so bad that he had no idea what Kaia’s reaction was. His view was narrowed in on one thing and that was Malcolm lying on the floor as he stood over him, clenching his fists so tight that his nails started to break his own skin.
It was hard to watch for her, literally seeing her father go down into the floor. Part of her wanted to be pissed off because she and Asher had literally just talked about this, but part of her was also. . . touched strangely. She could see the anger emanating from him and while normally she would never approve of this, she couldn’t deny that her father didn’t deserve it.
Standing up she took a deep breath inwardly. Trying her best not to lose her own composure, but that was Kaia. Always internalizing things until they were ready to explode, only thing about her was, she never exploded. Somehow, someway, she just internalized more and more.
She went up behind him now laying her hand on his shoulder gripping it tightly before she would travel down to his hand, using both of her hands to rub over his clenched fist.
Kaia Grainger: “Let me see”
She said now getting him to unfold his hand, his knuckles were ripped open and the other part of his hand was red. She could tell from the way her father laid that he had hit him hard, and she didn’t even realize that tears were trailing down the side of her cheeks when she looked back up at him.
Kaia Grainger: “I hope it was worth that.”
She let go of his hand then and she turned around to look over the limp body of her father. Bending down to make sure he was breathing, she wasn’t sure how to act in the moment or what emotions were really soaring through her. Sometimes she was so out of touch with how she was feeling that she wasn’t sure what to think really and the truth was, maybe just maybe she was actually about to finally break.
Kaia Grainger: “Damn it, Ash.”
She said, now feeling her father’s pulse. He was fine of course, no worse than any of the other drunken stupors he’d had, but now she’d seen a side of Asher that she’d never seen before. She wasn’t afraid of it really, but she didn’t know what to really think.
Turning to look at him she just stared with a loss for words really. With her staring at him with those eyes of hers, Asher’s anger began to fade. He looked down at Malcolm then back up at Kaia before looking down at his hands that were now shaking.
Asher Miles: “I… Uh… I don’t know what…. I’m sorry.”
He didn’t know what else to say but one thing was for certain, he couldn’t look at Kaia right now with the shame that had now washed completely over him. Asher turned and quickly walked out of the dining room before opening the front door and walking outside. Not completely leaving, mind you, but he needed to get away for the moment because he felt worthless. He felt the way his mom always made him feel when she looked at him and compared him to his father.
He walked through the grass on the front lawn as his head began to spin before he collapsed to his knees, his fingers digging into the grass and dirt. Despite the cool winter air, he was sweating from anxiety. None of this felt real but he knew it was and he felt like he ruined everything he had built this last year with one mistake.
There were several minutes that passed with him there, before Kaia reappeared once more. The length of time seemed irrelevant when Asher was sitting in the same formation. She held her phone in her hand and whatever anger she may have been feeling about what had unfolded seemed to dissipate. She placed it down and walked out to the spot where he was. Kneeling down in front of him. She could see him shaking and she grabbed hold of his hands. If there was something about Kaia that was relevant it was that she didn’t hold on to malice for long. It had been proven time and again even when people did her wrong in her career. She didn’t have a place for it in her heart or her spirit. It made her a hard person to rile up, but even she had her moments.
She didn’t give him time to say much instead she just pulled him into a hug. With his strength it was hard to imagine him breaking, but Kaia knew the pain that existed deep down inside of him. It was the same pain that emanated and made him the avenger that he had been earlier this year, the same pain that was always going to be there because it was hard to let go of. She herself had that same pain. She didn’t react to it in the same way, she didn’t lash out, or let it control her anger. . . that didn’t mean it didn’t fester inside of her and somehow expose itself in different ways.
The truest thing she could reiterate about it though, was that despite everything. . . she had made him a promise from the beginning and she had yet to let that slip and she wouldn’t.
Kaia Grainger: “He’s going to be fine, the medics are on their way.”
She said, now softly running her fingers through the back of his hair.
Kaia Grainger: “You and I will be fine too.”
She said now kissing the top of his forehead. It didn’t matter to her what anyone else thought about them. They didn’t see what she saw of the world. They couldn’t anticipate just the type of light he exuded, it wasn’t transparent to the naked eye, it wasn’t even transparent to him. He’d been hurt so many times.
Grabbing hold of his injured hand she ran her fingers atop his, gently reciting something under her breath. It would’ve seemed like a calming gesture, almost like a song she would sing to him but she was gently massaging the sore before she let go. As she turned to hear the sound of the ambulance arriving she released him and his hand had mysteriously healed.
Kaia Grainger: “I can’t fix everything in life, but what I can, I do. I will never lose faith in you Antares.”
It was almost a whisper before she rose to her feet, to see the ambulance arriving. For the time being her father would yet again find himself in the hands of the local hospital, only this time Kaia was thinking she might heed Asher’s advice, she couldn’t runaway from this problem forever, but first. . . she had to realized that the problem wasn’t with herself and she knew what she would have to do.
[TBC]