Post by Kaia Grainger on Jan 6, 2023 1:35:16 GMT
There was a moment when she stared at herself in the mirror that night, welcoming in the New Year much like she had the last. She’d applied her make-up, the base, her lips, and the eyes, set it all together, and it should’ve been a job well done however, she found herself simple staring. The winged liner and cherry lips giving way to a pout that she hadn’t been expecting. She should be happy after all, everything she wanted was just beyond her horizon once again. Everything she sought to obtain was just there beyond the scope of her vision.
Yet still, despite the light being so close and her bringing it to the forefront, she felt. . . empty.
The feeling was strange truly because there wasn’t really a reason for it. She was happier than she’d ever been both romantically and professionally and yet somewhere beneath there, a darkness had been tapped into. Something she hadn’t felt in a long while, ever since she and Asher had worked to get her father into rehab. Ever since she’d shown him just a minute amount of the things she could do by healing his hand after he’d fractured it.
Many would’ve looked at it as trickery or even magic, but she didn’t care what they thought truly, it was the fact that she didn’t want to lose him that had scared her the most when revealing things to him. Instead, Asher had embraced it with open arms and even celebrated it in a way that she wouldn’t have expected.
Yet still, people who knew of her religion felt it was a laughing matter, that she was some kind of cultist, or that she was crazy. Things that she pretended didn’t bother her, but deep down there was a dark underlying measure of pain that came along with it. The way her father used to berate her, even after she’d proven him wrong every step of the way, there was still that hurt there that was triggered each time someone made her think of it.
She was starting to really understand how Asher felt after they’d first met. The way he was in so much pain from losing his child hood friend, for having everything stripped from him and the hurt he had to endure to get past it.
There was still that pain there for Kaia, in being abandoned by her mother and verbally berated by her father, the things she rarely discussed despite being a strong, successful, high professional individual. There was still that measure of pain. It was almost inescapable.
As she got lost in her own gaze, staring into the mirrors reflective surface, she saw a figure appear in her open doorway. It was none other than Asher Miles, or Noah to those who might have known him in his past life. Though she herself referred to him as her Antares, simply because he resembled so much of the red star, so brightly shone, yet at one point he did have a poisoned heart much like that of a scorpion. She of course had helped him through that time and slowly discovered that she loved him beyond that. There was something about his eyes, the way they allowed you into his soul, and she’d never needed to look towards anyone else to find the comfort, safety, and love that she needed.
Kaia Grainger: “You startled me.”
She stated now looking at him though she still sat in front of the mirror, she was now glancing towards him there to show that she acknowledged his presence.
Kaia Grainger: “I know I’m late for my own party. I. . . well. . . I seem to have gotten distracted.”
She stated honestly, now looking to him again trying to put on the front that she held for the world, though she found that to be particularly exhausting in that moment.
Asher Miles: "My bad."
Asher walked up to Kaia and wrapped his arms around her waist, resting his chin on her shoulder as he looked at the reflection of the two of them in the mirror.
Asher Miles: "I don't think I've ever startled you before. So, something must be really distracting you, huh?"
His eyes never left the mirror, as he studied over her, trying to figure out the issue.
Asher Miles: "What's going on, love? You've been like these for days... Nah, weeks even. You know this is a safe space with me. You can share whatever is bothering you."
She practically melted into him the minute he wrapped his arms around her to rest his head on her shoulder. Something about his presence just gave her strength and had she not already been caught red-handed zoning out she would’ve been able to mask the feelings she’d been having, because his energy and presence gave her that strength. His pull to her was magnetic and strong, like nothing she’d ever felt before, and truthfully she craved it even when she wasn’t with him.
Still, he wasn’t wrong in noting that she had been feeling this way for weeks, maybe even longer than that truly, she had tried to curb it, dial it down, and even pretend it didn’t exist herself and yet she didn’t want to keep doing that, it was exhausting and quite frankly as much as she worked herself, she was tired of being exhausted.
Kaia Grainger: “It’s not you, believe me. There is nothing about you that scares me.”
She measured though she couldn’t help her joke that followed.
Kaia Grainger: “Except for your ability to wear long sleeves year round, even in the dead of Summer.”
She mocked a shiver as if she were petrified, but as soon as a smile had appeared on her face it was gone moments later. She tilted her head slightly to kiss his cheek before she stared back into the mirror, fiddling with whatever she had laying on the counter top in front of her and purposefully trying to come up with an answer to his question. He knew something was up, but she didn’t know how to explain it to him or where to even begin really.
Kaia Grainger: “I honestly. . . don’t know.”
She stated truthfully, it was the best way she could answer the question of ‘what’s going on love?’ It wasn’t like she could just explain every minute detail to him though she knew that he already knew a bulk of the details anyways. It was just a matter of explaining why it was suddenly bothering her after all of this time, all of these minor things seemed to just be building up over time and she was ready to almost explode.
Kaia Grainger: “When I’m not around you, I feel so. . . angry. Just small little things that wouldn’t normally bother me are starting to irritate me. Like there’s been a nerve that was triggered and I can’t seem to get it to simmer down. I know this shit with Dex and Rayven has had me on edge, because truthfully, no one has ever tried me in such a way before, but then I know something so simple as that wouldn’t really push me over the edge, would it?”
She asked the question, though it wasn’t really meant to be answered by him. He knew as well as she did that typically she was calm and level-headed, even against opponents who have on numerous occasions attempted to stir her up.
Kaia Grainger: “I’m just. . . pissed off really, about a lot of things. More than I can vocalize and I feel like I don’t know what to do with all of that, just bubbling up inside of me.”
She paused, momentarily, laying her hand over the place where Asher had his wrapped around her, something about his touch seemed to keep her grounded and she appreciated that in that moment.
Kaia Grainger: “I’m starting to see how you felt all those months ago, before you sought your Revenge in Millennium, I’ve. . . never felt anything like this before.”
Asher listens to every word Kaia had to say before turning her around so that the two of them were face to face with each other. Miles then reached his hands up and placed them on Kaia's cheeks, his eyes peering into hers.
Asher Miles: "Hey, I know what that's like. You're not wrong. What your feeling? That's how I felt. And you? You helped me through it. You encouraged me to do what I needed to do. And I did it."
He leaned his forehead down on hers.
Asher Miles: "And you can bet that I'll be here to do the same for you, Kaia. Don't run from these feelings, embrace them. Show the world that you're not someone to fuck with. Rayven needs to pay for the petty shit she's done. And Dexter? You gotta show em that you don't just show up to your business and cause a scene. You're a good person, but good people can only be good so much."
He leaned in and kissed her softly.
Asher Miles: "Sometimes, it's okay to release that bad side. Actually, I'd say it's even good for you."
She knew that he was right. She knew that he rightfully was delivering a message she needed to hear, why was she so afraid to simply lose control if even for a moment? Why could she not say the things out loud that he seemed so freely capable of doing. Why was she afraid that by tapping into those dark and hateful feelings that it might make her someone else, someone she wouldn’t be able to stand seeing in that mirror. Would it make her like her father? Hateful and spiteful, incredibly mad at the world and shitting away everything that she fought so hard for? Or would it make her like her mother, abandoning everything she found sacred and pure.
Asher so freely was capable of channeling those inner feelings and bringing them to the surface, he could experience emotion like no one she’d ever met before and he could bring it all to the forefront in such a way that seemed almost magical, the way he could express himself was so ethereal and she wanted to be able to do that, to just let all of that rage out, so that it didn’t feed on her soul so badly, but what was the correct way to do so? If it were good for her, how could she do it?
Kaia Grainger: “I. . . I know you’re right Asher . . . I’m just. . .”
She held her tongue, suddenly moisture building behind her eyes.
Kaia Grainger: “What if I turn into them?”
It was one of her biggest fears in life and he would’ve known that.
Kaia Grainger: “Promise me you won’t let that happen. Promise me you’ll pull me back if I start to go overboard.”
She stated plainly.
He took both of her hands and grasped them with his as he nodded his head.
Asher Miles: "I promise, Kaia. I'll never let you lose sight of who you are."
Of course he wouldn't. Asher knew that as long as they were together? He'd be able to straighten her out to see who she truly is, just like she does for him.
Asher Miles: "As long as we have each other? We won't lose sight of what's real. Because this?"
He squeezes her hands.
Asher Miles: “This is real. You and me. Neither of us will lose who we are as long as we have each other. I promise. We're in this together forever."
She nodded profusely, somehow again, the words just came from his lips and spoke to her truly. He wasn’t lying when he said he would keep her from going over the edge, and honestly the thought was just too tempting not to continue to entertain it. What did she have to lose by releasing all of this anger? She wasn’t sure just what awaited on the other side of that because she’d never touched the surface of that darkness before.
It seemed too surreal, and too painful to ever access it. She’d spent so long building up a wall to protect herself from it and yet now it seemed to tempting just to let it overpower her.
Kaia Grainger: “You’re damn right we are.”
She said now grabbing his hands with her own, before a smile came to her face, just admitting out loud that she had been feeling a certain way helped to release some of that impending pressure. For a moment those feelings were at bay, but she knew the minute Asher stepped away they would come back again, she needed to find a way to embrace them.
Kaia Grainger: “Antares?”
She said now pulling herself up to wrap her arms around his shoulders, she didn’t even ask him a question instead she kissed him softly now her hands burrowing into his hair and then she released before smiling though it wasn’t a smile we were used to from her.
Kaia Grainger: “Thank you.”
She said now lowering her arms back to her side. He may have been confused about what exactly she was thanking him for, though she took a moment to remove some lip gloss she’d left on his lips.
Kaia Grainger: “Come on babe, we have a party to get to, I would hate to keep our guests waiting.”
She measured now pulling him along by his hand.
He smiled widely as he followed her, taking joy in the fact that he helped lift her spirits for the New Year party they had set up.
Asher Miles: "Don't gotta tell me twice!"